The Pulse: Mom Guilt and the Power of Raw Reality

It is amazing how quickly two weeks can slip away. Not in a "slipping through my fingers" kind of way, but in the sense that 14 whole days have zoomed by, and it literally feels like I just blinked away a massive chunk of summer.

For me, it’s the realization of holding two conflicting truths at once. On one hand, it saddens me that our summers are spent in the rigid routine of early morning camp drop-offs, working, rushing home in time for dinner, and trying to cram a season's worth of joy into a few evening hours. It doesn't quite feel like the summers of just a few years past.

On the other hand, there is the energy-draining, soul-sucking patience it takes to make it through the first fifteen minutes of the morning when your youngest decides we absolutely must test an old computer so he can connect his iPad to play Minecraft on a larger screen. When I haven't had a single sip of coffee, let alone gone pee yet, I find myself counting down the minutes until I can get to work just to speak with a sane adult. Such opposing feelings existing simultaneously.

Week One: The Quiet House & The Rebrand

The first of those two weeks was spent holding another set of truths: my boys were away on vacation with their dad. I missed them terribly, but at the same time, I suddenly had the free time to tackle household projects, enjoy some breathing room for a social life, sleep in, and actually watch a television show of my own choice for the first time in about six months.

So, in typical Sam fashion, I crammed it all in. I spent valued time with my clients, crushed my workouts, played in a pickleball tournament (and that is truly all that will be said about that performance...), kept up with the yard work, and managed to work on decorating the living room to vibe with my new sense of self. This included stripping and repainting our TV stand. While I didn’t manage a full active meal prep that week, I used the time to test out the meals I had previously frozen to see how they held up over time—continued progress on that program evaluation goal!

Week Two: Plugging the Guilt Hole

The second week was a massive balancing act of managing clients, meal prepping, and spending quality time with the boys while they reacclimated to Eastern Standard Time on an off-week from camp. This was the week that truly filled my heart.

As I alluded to above, this summer looks different from years past. I carry a deep sense of mom guilt shuffling the boys to camp just so I can work. It makes me feel like they are missing out on those lazy summer morning chill vibes, late nights around a bonfire, and random weekday adventures. The truth is, I miss that too. It hurts a mom's heart to realize there are only a few summers left where my oldest will actively want to hang out with me before he’s out with his friends, as he should be.

But last week plugged that guilt hole in my heart and overfilled my cup. We got extra time together, spent days with the grandparents, and purchased a Topgolf summer pass deal a friend told me about, which turned into two afternoons of beautifully shoddy golfing. We had a pizza movie night, got plenty of pool time, explored Norris and Norris Lake, wrapped a busy Saturday with a rapid planting session of clearance plants from Lowe's and a water gun fit, and topped off with a lazy Sunday morning.

Despite the relaxation, I still accomplished a ton around the house, including additional meal prep and trialing some new recipes. Best of all, I got one-on-one time with the littles each night to continue our 10-minute bedtime routine, and I got back to my old roots of tackling a new recipe with my oldest. It was everything I needed to boost my energy and lift a slightly sad heart to get me through the next three weeks of camp before we conquer our upcoming road trip.

The Reality of the Mental Load & Relationships

I think this was also a week of deep feels. Between navigating the feeling that summer is slipping away while simultaneously wishing it would speed up or at least feel easier, there’s also the stark realization of how hard time hits friendships and relationships. There is never truly enough of it, especially as you balance single motherhood and running a household alone. I have a notoriously hard time delegating (or paying) for things that I know I can physically do myself. But carving out that execution time while still leaving enough energy to pour into people is a constant challenge. That’s something I am forced to reckon with weekly, but it directly impacts how life gets done and how you maintain connections with special people.

A core point of this site—and whatever the social media channels turn into—is to provide an open, vulnerable, and honest space about how challenging life and relationships actually are. There are so many times in my past that I wish I had opened up to my peers, and not just my mom, about the intense loneliness I felt. It is deeply challenging to have the same circular conversations over and over again without actually hearing each other—to feel like you are each carrying a massive weight that the other person doesn't seem to recognize, acknowledge, or appreciate, watching the resentment build and distance grow.

If you are there right now: I see you. I feel for you so deep in my soul, and I understand the pain, hurt, anger, and confusion that comes with it all. But opening up is so incredibly freeing. This isn't a space for a superficial "bitch session"—it’s about letting you know you are not alone. It is common, it is not Instagram-polished, and it is raw. It requires intense work, new words in your communication toolkit, and a level of empathy and understanding that I simply was not equipped with at 20, and am still actively learning at 40.

The Stockpile: This Week's Kitchen Pilots

Meal-wise, I tackled a few new preps this Sunday to see how they hold up and taste over the busy week ahead.

• Homemade Pizza Dough Hot Pockets: The first prep is already completely gone! I utilized some leftover pizza dough from our family movie night and turned them into custom, grab-and-go hot pockets. (this will be a separate post!)

• Crunchy Chicken Cabbage Salad: An adaptation of the New York Times recipe. I added shaved Brussels sprouts for bulk, utilized their signature dressing, and threw in some smokehouse mixed nuts for an incredible texture and crunch.

• Southwest Turkey Bowl: Built with seasoned ground turkey, elote spices, roasted potatoes, home-soaked black beans, and crisp orange bell peppers.

• Summer Sausage Goulash: A hearty soup-turned-goulash featuring hot Italian sausage sautéed with zucchini, yellow summer squash, bell peppers, roasted tomatoes, and orzo to soak up all the rich juices.

• Ninja creamified Peanut Butter Ice Cream with Buckeyes: this was the recipe my oldest and I made during one of our last night bake sessions. Quality time rolling out mini buckeyes while watching X-Files.

Here’s to enjoying those simple summer moments. Sometimes they are few and far between, but thankfully, they seem to show up right when we need them most.

Tonight’s Spin Playlist: The ride last night flowed seamlessly with summer memories and some massive hits from the past 15ish years. Let's ride!