The Pulse: Holding Two Truths at Once

The Weight of the Week

9:12

They say the days are long, but the weeks are short. This week, that rang incredibly true.

My weeks are top-heavy: Sunday prep, followed by a Monday-to-Wednesday gauntlet of clients, group training, and spin classes. By Wednesday, I feel like the camel in those old "Hump Day" commercials—just trying to get over the peak to Thursday’s breathing room.

But this week felt different. It felt heavy.

Between a massive wreck near the Y, an unfortunate encounter with a bunny nest while mowing, and some local news that hit far too close to home, my "protective mom" instinct is on high alert. My oldest is almost at my eye height and weighs nearly as much as I do, yet I’ve never wanted to shield him and his brothers more.

The Eldest Daughter Struggle

I want this website to be a resource for minding money, while it's a creative outlet and therapeutic for me, most importantly, I hope it's relatable. In my work as a trainer, the best part is the connection—the moments where people open up about real struggles. I’ve realized that the more I share, the less alone I feel. And I want this website to provide that to you as well.

Right now, I’m struggling with how to ask for help, and that'll be what I'm working on during my next therapy session. There’s this "internal eldest daughter" battle: I don’t want to draw attention to myself, and I don't ask for help because I feel like I should be able to handle it. I have a job, healthy kids, and a social network. I realize how fortunate I am - the struggle could be much more challenging, so that combination makes me even more hesitant to say I'm having a hard time when others are faced with so much more. On paper, I’m okay. So why don’t I feel okay?

The "Grief" of the Long Haul

I've been thinking about how this season of life—eighteen months into this new dynamic—feels comparable to a death in the family. When the event is fresh, the community surrounds you with food, attention, and support; they check in on you and ask how they can help. But as time passes and the memory fades for everyone else, you're left there standing alone. I'm fully aware I'm not alone but now that I look stabilized and competent in balancing the demands of life, the hands feel like they've stopped reaching out.

With work nearing full-time, sports season in full swing, starting the marathon sprint of "end-of-year" school activities, and keeping up on yard and home, I am being as efficient as humanly possible—and things are still piling up. I've embraced the "organized chaos" of the house and life but the scales feel like they're tipping.

And I'll be honest: being told I'm "lucky" to have every other weekend without the boys as off has become a trigger point. The responsibility of this life doesn't pause; the "downtime" is increasingly rare. I feel guilty even saying that because I know my privilege - I know it could be so much harder. But I'm learning that two things can be true at once: I am fortunate, and I am also barely keeping my head above water.

I See You

Despite the laundry list of to-dos, I've realized I needed to prioritize sleep. There are certain self-care things I no long can do every day: work out, reading, watching TV, to name a few. I'm choosing a lower-quality 6ish hours of sleep over other parts of my social calendar because I refuse to "half-ass" being a mom, a trainer, or a friend.

If you’re there—as a single mom, a working mom, a "married single mom", or a stay-at-home mom—I see you. This shit is hard. You can be happy with your life and still feel like it’s an energy-sucking struggle.

Finding the Light: The Weekly Wins

Even when things feel heavy, the work of finding gratitude makes the burden a little lighter. This week had some beautiful highlights that reminded me why I keep pushing:

• The Bunny Rescue: Despite my mowing mishap, we managed to save one bunny! A quick response from our local community led us to a vet who rehabs wildlife. It gave the boys so much hope (even if I did have to nix their plan to give the bunny "wheels" and keep him as a pet).

• Landscape Progress: I managed to finish the weeding and rounded out the bed along the side of the house. There is something so therapeutic about physical progress you can actually see.

• Ballpark Success: The rain held out for Saturday's games. All the boys got hits and played strong defense—nothing beats that dugout energy.

• New Skills & Silver Medals: I tried Axe Throwing for the first time (and won a few rounds!) and capped off the weekend with a silver medal at a Pickleball tournament for The 24/7 Movement. This organization does incredible work educating students on safe driving and was instrumental in passing the Dillard Law.

The Week Ahead: A Slower Burn

Thankfully, the coming week is a bit lighter. With a few clients out of town, I’m hoping for some mental clarity and a chance to recharge.

On the Menu:

• The Stockpile: We are hitting Week 5 of the freezer clean-out! I definitely overestimated how much we eat, so we’ll be doing a "Round 2" of the Bingo Card soon.

• Sam’s Solo Fuel: Fried Spam "Sushi Bowls" with edamame and cucumber; White bean, tomato, and burrata salad.

• The Boys: Shrimp tacos with cabbage slaw, chicken tender salads, and smoked wings.

• The Celebration: A joint birthday dinner for my dad and me this weekend once the baseball dust settles.

The Spin Vibe: No themed ride this week but millenials you'll likely enjoy the vibe. If you need to sweat out the heavy feelings or just vibe to some nostalgia, this playlist is for you.

All the hugs, cause I've needed a few this week - Sam